How to Overcome Our Tendency to Suffer. The ”5-3-2” Method

Valeriia Zaozerska

About 25 years ago, Amit Sood moved from India to the United States. Leaving a country plagued by disease and disaster, he thought life in America is like the Disneyland. Supposedly, everyone there should be happy. However, disappointment awaited him, which prompted Sood to study the human brain. The main problem he found is that our brain evolved for safety and survival, but now what we want from it is peace and happiness. Over the course of his studies, he developed a technique, which helps reduce stress and improve concentration, emotional stability, and happiness. In this article, I would like to delve deeper into this topic and explain what the 5-3-2 method is all about.

Why doesn't the human brain  sometimes know how to be happy even if it seems like it has everything it needs? This is the question that Sood asked himself once he faced the initial disappointment of life in the US. In the course of his research, he discovered that there is a neural predisposition in the brain to suffer which may be equally if not more important than the external circumstances of one’s life.

Think of what happens to your thoughts when you, for example, wash the dishes. At first, you’re not focused on this activity. You don’t think about the plates. With time, however, your thoughts often get more negative. You don’t ruminate on the fact that you have a roof over your head, that you have your loved ones, and that you are safe. You, like the most of us, start focusing on your shortcomings and difficulties you are facing. For some people, however, with time their thoughts get more negative.According to Sood, the average person has about 150 unsolved problems at any given time. Moreover, our attention is scattered around 50% to 80% of the time each day. If you find yourself focusing on shortcomings and difficulties you are facing, you are not alone.

Our brain is a giant network of approximately 80 billion neurons. When neurons start to interact, one of the two modes of brain operation comes online. The first mode of our brain is the focus mode. It turns on when we are passionate about something, which for the brain must be unusual or significant information. Imagine that you see a baby elephant in the parking lot of a supermarket. You definitely pay attention to it. When you jump with a parachute, you don’t think about the fact that you forgot to answer your work email. Or when you’re playing with a small child, your attention is devoted only to the game.

Most often, we are running the second mode of brain operation, the passive mode, which is the default state of the brain. The easiest way to illustrate what it means is what happens when you read a book, and, at some point, you realize that you don’t remember the last page. Your brain has gone into passive mode and you have zoned out.

Sood says that right now there are from two to eight billion people walking around the planet who don’t realise they’re mentally miles away. It's an alarming picture if you think about it. It would seem it is harmless to let the brain spend most of its time in passive mode, but research shows that the more our brains are in passive mode, the greater the risk of developing anxiety, depression, attention deficit, and, later in life, perhaps even dementia.

This neural predisposition to zoning out is our first difficulty on our path to happiness. The second difficulty is our focus on threats or shortcomings. When you imagine a wild jungle, the first thing that comes to your mind are probably dangerous spiders or venomous snakes, and that’s because they are dangerous.

However, what’s more harmful to us in the current year of 2025 is not spiders, but, say, donuts. Nevertheless, you won’t run away if your friend offers you a donut. No, most likely you’ll happily eat it. We have this hereditary predisposition to high-calory foods. Our ancestors became addicted to them and now it’s not so easy to give them up although we know the dangers of overeating and obesity.

The last problem we face is hedonic adaptation. We’re quickly getting used to the good and start paying attention to the bad. These just a few neural predispositions prevent us from enjoying life more.

Happiness, on the other hand, is a special state of mind. It has little to do with the possession of resources or the absence of the troubles of illness. One way said to help us achieve this state of mind is the 5-3-2 method developed by Sood and his colleagues. It can help reduce stress and improve focus, ensure emotional stability and induce happiness.

The first number, five, refers to five people. Sood suggests that when you wake up in the morning, first you should think of five people you’re grateful for. Mentally thank them before you get out of bed. Try to do this technique right now. Close your eyes, think of the first person you want to express gratitude to. Think about how this person has affected your life, and mentally thank them. Now the second person, imagine that you’re looking into their eyes. Think about the colour of their eyes, and mentally say thank you to them. For the third person, go back to the first memory you have of them and thank them for it. Imagine the fourth being happy wherever they are at the moment, and then thank them silently. Mentally transport yourself back to the time when you were seven years old. Remember what kind of hair you had and mentally thank your seven-year-old self. Think of someone you loved who is no longer with you. Mentally hug that person and silently thank them. When you’re ready, open your eyes.

This first five people technique will help you focus on what is most important in life. Research shows that it’s close relationships that bring us the most happiness. Almost each of us has a person who is more valuable to us than any money. Therefore, in the morning you need to try not to immediately join the rat race. Thoughts about business can be postponed for a couple of minutes.

A similar technique can be used in difficult moments. When you feel bad, think about three people who love you, and this will help you cope with your troubles. After all, the point is not to end up on the sidelines of life. The point is to recover quickly and not end up in a ditch. To remember your morning gratitude ritual, take a sticky note, write the word gratitude on it, and stick it on your bathroom mirror. The next time you forget to thank your loved ones in bed, you'll see this note in the bathroom and go back to the bedroom to start over. It'll become a habit.

The next point of the "5-3-2" program is called “three minutes”. Imagine that you’re at home with your parents or your partner, and your close friend comes to you. As a rule, you’ll be more interested in talking with the guest because it’s something out of the ordinary. As we remember, the brain loves the new. Therefore, if you want a happy personal life, the secret is to find resemblance in love. Before you meet a loved one, give yourself three minutes to spend with them as if you haven’t seen each other for a long time. Put your phone away in advance, focus on your loved one, and forget about their shortcoming, at least for three minutes. Sood gives two pieces of advice to make this technique more effective: be genuinely interested in what interests them, and praise them in an unconventional way.

The third technique of the method is called "two seconds". It’s about how we look at each other and how we interact. Imagine that you’re having a picnic in a park and a homeless person comes up to you. Would you invite them to join you? Probably not. Our ancestors had to make quick decisions about whether to trust a person or not. We developed critical attention, which we use to evaluate people in 30 milliseconds. This insignificant time is enough for us to decide whether someone deserves our trust or not. Sood suggests that when you meet people and before your mind starts analysing them in the first two seconds, instead of being negative or neutral towards them, be kind and think "I wish you all the best". This obviously does not apply to situations when dark silhouettes approach in the street at night; the technique is used only in safe situations. Sood believes that you should look at the world the way you want the world to look at you. All this is a kind of meditation on wisdom, love, and good relationships.

These are the basics of the 5-3-2 method. Five people, three minutes, and two seconds. Additionally, Sood itself suggests applying the five fundamental principles of life: gratitude, compassion, acceptance, meaning and forgiveness. A week-long program he devised is organised in a way that centers them. Monday is the day of gratitude, so, for example, even if you were robbed, thank yourself and the world for not being the one who committed the robbery. Tuesday is the day of compassion. Be kind to others. Wednesday highlights acceptance. Think about whether what you’re worried about will be important in five years. Thursday is the day of higher meaning. Finally, Friday is all about forgiveness. All these methods may help you make your thinking more mature. Ultimately, what they are supposed to do is to allow you to experience pleasure, be at peace with yourself, and practice altruism. They are a way to shift our focus to what makes us happier rather than to what destroys us from within.